Fake a smile.

Smile though your heart is aching

smile even though it's breaking

when there are clouds in the sky

you'll get by.

If you smile through your pain and sorrow

smile and maybe tomorrow

you'll see the sun come shining through

for you.

Light up your face with gladness

hide every trace of sadness

although a tear may be ever so near

that's the time you must keep on trying

smile, what the use of crying

you'll find the life is still worthwhile

if you just smile.

Charlie Chaplin - Smile

The question that made me thinking.

I should be looking at my notes right now,
revising what have I learned,
making last minutes preparations,
like how I always do.

But just now, I had a quick chat with my friend
we have only been friends since I was form 5,
means it is only 3 years since we first knew each other.

He is shy yet decisive,
cute yet manly.

Our conversation was all around his new relationship
he is got himself a partner, girlfriend, his first.

I said I was jealous of him
for being able to have someone
who loves him.

Then a question came from him,
"Instead of being jealous, why don't you find yourself one?"
I wasn't shock instead was dumbfounded.

He was right,
and I actually know the answer,
just sometimes I forget.

As the blog says, I am confuse,
I do not which is which for me to choose.

In fact I am scared.
If my choice is wrong,
happiness will not be in my way
so thus the people around me.

I am, until today,
could not find the what is right for me.

Lame right now.

I am finally

out from the hectic period

what is left for me to do now

is to study till my nose bleed

well I supposed things wouldn't happen that way

since I am a lazy bitch.

But stress is all over me

I can't seem to focus on my study

so I decided to go back home

meeting my parent, my bed, my flat screen etc.

Plus, Pesta Penang is in the town

yes, I am a Penangite

couldn't wait to go there.

Nothing new,

nothing fabulous, fantastic, dramatic or whatever

I am in my lame mood.

Now is not the time to be adventurous,

or feeling down, okay?

Pray for my success, or actually it is better to

pray for my good luck okay.

The final week.

It is 4.55 am.
The semester almost comes to an end.
Another one more week of study,
while the rest is all about exams.

However this week
is most crucial of all.
It is the time for any students
to finish up their assignments.

Just like I am now
many of us, procrastinators
have to strain our eyes
squeeze our brain out
burn our time
for the last touch of our tasks.

Well for any of you
who is having hard time
just remember this
this week is only a week
do not stress out
and finish your job
that is most important
out of all. :P

That fellow friend.

I am a student

have load of friends

different kind of them.

I have a friend

that fellow friend

whom I met

the second day

I was here.

We click

we shared, we did everything

almost everything together

it was fun, so it was.

I did not lie about doing things together

but what I lied, as now so I realized

we did not share anything

it was me, sharing my things.

Making excuses

taking advantages

all of that he had done

I only realize it now.

That fellow friend

I am not a moron

easily fooled

at least not forever

So, I am making my way

breaking apart

from a sucking leech

of grieving pain.

You can fool others

but not me,

not anymore.

My final words to you,

"GO TO HELL YOU SON OF A BITCH!"

Embarrassing moment.

If you read my last post,

I said something about not getting my sleep

because I was trying to finish off my assignment.

Well, later that evening, I was still doing the same effing assignment.

Sitting alone in a cafe, there I were with my laptop in front of me.

It was quite hot, so as I thought.

While my hands were typing,

slowly my head felt really heavy,

my vision turned blur.

So that was it.

The next thing I remember was,

I was waking up,

on my laptop,

in a crowded cafe.

I turned around to see if anyone was looking at me

or worst laughing at me,

I quickly packed my stuff

and went out.

That was it.

The dangerous of assignments.

6.44 am
The clock is ticking
tik tok tik tok.

The circles are getting darker
heavier they go, my eyes.

My hands are moving
trying to type something
but words are hiding
somewhere inside
this time ticking bomb
refuse itself to come out.

Slowing down
breaking, crashing
over its limit
BOOM!

Between a gap.

I have a bit of free time, right now.
A free time which I created myself by skipping a class.
Well, I have straight full attendance.
Skipping one won't hurt, right?
So here I am, in between a gap, waiting for another class, I write my entry.

Before, I was in my Bahasa class. We did a presentation.
By 'we' I mean my partner and I. Only the two of us for a group.
It was a failure and don't wanna tell why.
But I can say this, the presentation was overall from his idea.

But I said nothing.
Except from this one time, a friend of mine commented about a video we showed,
I blatantly pointed at him, but not blaming him for sure.
My mouth said nothing because I don't even care.
My principle is, let bygones be bygones.

While I was in the midst of doing another of my Bahasa assignment, he texted me, just now in fact.
"Do not blame me 100%. It's a team play, so take the blame equally. Everything was not my fault."
Something along that line. I was shocked.
Did he think I blamed him?
I replied by saying it was okay, I just don't even care. Chillax.
That is the truth, nothing but truth.

It's up to him to think whatever he wants.
When people know they are wrong, they quickly make an excuse.
Luckily, people like me, either do not care or just easy to forgive.
At least, he triggered me to post something here.
Rather than forever silence. =)