Duty call.

Ahhh, lamanya tak sebut tentang Inchik S. Aku pon sebenarnya lama tak jumpa Inchik S. Last jumpa haritu minggu lepas, dalam kesibukan belajar, aku sempat ponteng satu dua kelas untuk balik kampung. Sempat pergi kenduri kahwin kawan sekolah dan semestinya sempat jugaklah untuk aku lepak dengan kawan-kawan yang lain termasuklah Inchik S.

Tapi yang tak bestnya time lepak-lepak tu, aku dengan Inchik S duduk macam jauh sikit. So aku tak dapat nak tatap muka dia puas-puas, hehe. Dan sekali tu je aku sempat lepak dengan Inchik S dan rakan-rakan yang lain, sebab lepas tu aku keluar pergi kenduri rakan sekolah aku dan lepak sampai lewat malam.

Tadi aku chat dengan Inchik S kat facebook, aku tentang job hunting dia. iba-tiba aku rasa sebak bila dia kata mungkin dia akan dapat kerja kat KL, tak dapat la nak jumpa selalu lepas ni. Memang lah aku pon sekarang ada kat KL, tp readers sekalian faham tak perasaan aku? Leps ni masing-masing kitorang dah akan ada tanggungjawab sendiri, susah nak luangkan masa untuk kawan-kawan. Inchik S pulak akan berada jauh, mungkin dia akan jumpe kawan-kawan baru, atau mungkin dia akan berkahwin, siape tahu kan? Lepas ni, mungkin aku dan Inchik S sekadar akan berjumpa sebagai sahabat biasa, tak ada nak bermanja-manja or at least something like that.

Sedih dan sebak bila memikirkn perkara ni. Itulah kehidupan, tiap-tiap orang terpaksa berubah disebabkan tanggungjawab. Harapnya, tanggungjawab tidak akan memisahkan persahabatan aku dan Inchik S.

My roommate is....!

Shocking news!
You know, there's this app on phone called Jack'd. Of course I have an account there, looking for friends, not more than that. Earlier this semester, a friend of my had an account on the same app. We chatted a bit and so on. On my way back, we met my roommate, my friend then said he seems familiar. That friend  said my roommate might have a profile on he app we are using. I denied, saying it's impossible cause he always acts pious, though not really.

Long story short, few weeks ago I actually found my roommate's profile! SHIT! I swear in my mind. He's online. Quickly I blocked his profile and I believe he never saw mine. I am very discreet, I do not want somebody to know what I am doing etc. and I am definitely not into the idea of having a gay roommate! I think, he believes the same. That's why he kept his secret tight. Besides, he's ugly. LOL.

Just now, he went out somewhere and left his laptop on. Lucky me I just have to look at it without even touching it, he left his folder where he kept his porn open! SHIT! I swear in my again again, louder! This guys really is gay.

My roommate is gay!

Get real.

Here is another gay based theme movie. Just like the last time, it contains very little sex scenes, but focuses more on the sexual orientation. Although I might say this is not as good as The Matthew Shepard Story, it's not bad either. Very 'light' story line if I can say that.

The thing is, with every gay theme movie, you will always see people like us get bullied, incidence that made them for who they are and more. One thing I paid extra attention was when John, the protagonist's lover made a statement about why he's gay. It was said that his friend took advantage on him, but he himself thinks the other way. He actually let his friend did what he did because partly, he enjoyed it. At first he claimed it was his friend's action that turned him that way but when he met the protagonist, he was assured or rather confused because he still likes doing 'it'.

I was in the same boat as John. The history was, my friend kind of molested me but I let him do it. Well, at first I blamed him for turning me this way, then I blamed my innocent part of me for knowing what my friend did to me and agree to it. But later, again like John was, I discovered I enjoy what was did to me. It was wrong, I know, however lust controls logic mind. The first step to my dark life.

 I will stop here now, revealing my past to much won't be good. Besides, no one's reading when I write my entry in English. I wonder why? I was flabbergasted by Malaysians proficiency in writing and reading in English. I am learning, my English is not perfect but I believe being shy and timid won't help to improve your skills even the slightest. I hope Malaysians especially Malays to improve on this part particularly if they want to compete with beast of the real world. Until then, adios amigos. Voila!

The Matthew Shepard Story

Watch this story, please. Gay or not, you can watch this for it does not revolve around sex. Instead it is about one sexual orientation, which is Matthew Shepard. Sad I may say but I would say no more.

Like the story, what we are, what we are to face everyday is very challenging. There's a Malay movie, Sutun, the main character said what we are now is actually God's test to us, to see how we face it because he created us strong and not weak. God does not give challenges that man cannot take.

Even that said, I am not begging for mere sympathy from dear readers, I just want to convey this story of our lives or at least what my lives all this while. We mix with 'normal' people, straight that is, we pretend that we are them, sexual preference, though we are not. I guess, that is find. We can still live with that. Now, 'normal' people bash people like us, gays. Because we are pretending, we either have to agree or say nothing. I do the later. It is inevitably sad to say cruel stuff to people you know you are apart of it. Hear the bad words from your own friends and family members, to know the people you care hate people like you just killing you.

There is no one you can go and ask for their shoulders to cry for, or time to listen to you, none. Basically we live alone in this world. People around you do not know you for who you are and they are definitely do not love you for what you are since truth are never for them to know. It is just a fake life we created for them and for us, really, to stay alive and to keep the happiness.

No, I don't ask for sympathy. I just want anyone who reads my blog to know what i feel to be people like us, me.

Sincerely, CB.