Opinion: I wish blogs are still alive

What and why I miss blog so much? The ability to write a whole story with full context. The ability to express myself without being afraid of backlashes and uncalled opinions. The beautiful writings of multiple talented and depressed writers only wishing to express their feelings anonymously. The sincerity of the writings touched the readers heart. 

What happened now? People are quickly moving into the next best thing in town. It was Facebook, Twitter and now TikTok.

Facebook was very similar to blogs, except that it can be too public and personal. Twitter has words limitation, and it limits the context of a story. Despite people can still write in threads, the form and 'feel' of a story is different. While TikTok is a totally different media, short videos. Mainly used by the younger generations with so much time to take videos and edit them. Both Twitter and TikTok sadly, in my opinions, are full of mean and opiniated people. Sometimes, it can be condescending or just purely mean. 

Hence, the reasons why I miss blogs are the secrecy of them, the beautiful arts they have created over the years, and the sincerity of their postings. I wish blogs are still alive. 

Nobody Knows

 I have always wanted to die because of cancer. Today, when I asked myself why, initially I couldn't give a proper answer to myself. Then I realize, I just want attention. Even if it is in the form of sympathy.

Ever since I was a child, I always feel like I was not given enough attention. Whenever I finished drawing something, it was me that had to show it off to my parents. Hoping that I will get some compliments from them. In class, I felt like I had done as good as other people, but I was never recognized for it. In fact, I was once belittle by a teacher about it, that getting first place is not everything. With my friends, I used to feel left out from gatherings, and I felt really bad about it. My friends would talk about the time they spent together, while I was only there to listen. Or I was only invited to birthday parties so they could share presents, and have more people to celebrate with. I was never celebrated (except by a few people in my adulthood and I am truly grateful for that).

As I grow older, I am used to it. I choose solitary mainly because I do not like to be hurt again. After all these years, I still earn for attention. I am still looking for someone to love me, so I can fully love them back. 

Maybe I am broken. Nobody knows. that it will this hard. 

February 14

2022 Resolutions

On the 19th day of the year, I have finally thought about my new year’s resolutions. Nothing much, but jotting them down here so I can always look back and reflect on how far I have gone. This year, I want to-

😊 Be more lenient with myself. Why rate myself at 8 when I have INFINITY over 10?

😊 Let the memories remain as memories, okay?

😊 Stop comparing my happiness to others. To each their own. 

😊 Learn to ❤️ again, especially myself. 

 

We will never be the same ever again. It is sad.

I asked myself often, would I want you back despite the pain you gave, and all the hurtful things you did?

I would, even a thousand times more. Because I still miss you, longing for your touch, silly jokes, and dumb smile. I miss you still.

But we will never be the same ever again. It is sad. 

First Anuwat's Enough

I listened to this song during its early release and thought, "Ah, it's a nice song." Now, however it is like a reminder that I did not know I need. Enough.
 

Trying to count my blessings.

When I watch sad movies, and listened to breakup songs, I cry thinking of things that had happened. 

When I watch romance movies, and listened to love songs, I cry thinking of things that I could not do. 

I cried a lot. 

I tried to remind myself of the blessing I have, the good things in my life; my job, good friends, good food, are among the luxury I have. I am counting blessings to counter the sad, heartbreaking moment in my life. All is going to be well, InsyaAllah.