I have always wanted to die because of cancer. Today, when I asked myself why, initially I couldn't give a proper answer to myself. Then I realize, I just want attention. Even if it is in the form of sympathy.
Ever since I was a child, I always feel like I was not given enough attention. Whenever I finished drawing something, it was me that had to show it off to my parents. Hoping that I will get some compliments from them. In class, I felt like I had done as good as other people, but I was never recognized for it. In fact, I was once belittle by a teacher about it, that getting first place is not everything. With my friends, I used to feel left out from gatherings, and I felt really bad about it. My friends would talk about the time they spent together, while I was only there to listen. Or I was only invited to birthday parties so they could share presents, and have more people to celebrate with. I was never celebrated (except by a few people in my adulthood and I am truly grateful for that).
As I grow older, I am used to it. I choose solitary mainly because I do not like to be hurt again. After all these years, I still earn for attention. I am still looking for someone to love me, so I can fully love them back.
Maybe I am broken. Nobody knows. that it will this hard.
my pak ngah meninggal cancer tulang.. my makcik meninggal cancer usus.. my brother in law meninggal cancer usus.. my best friend meninggal cancer paru paru.. dan shin pernah buat saringan cancer.. sakitnya Tuhan je tahu.. masuk camera lubang atas lubang belakang.. Alhamdulillah xde cancer . setiap kalo solat bedoa jauhkan la dari penyakit² seumpa ni.. try jangan menyendiri.. try bergaul.. bersukan.. travel.. rapatkan diri dengan family.. walau x semua cari la yang memahami.. hidup ni sgt berharga.. try gembirakan diri sendiri sementara ada masa
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