Between tragedy and blessing.

I always, sometimes,

have an absurd thinking

and I blame this

on the dumb box.

Often in my head of mine

I thought of my life

fighting with cancer

with no chance of life

sparing only few months left

what life could I lead?

I rather think, now

I would be grateful

rather than of sorrow.

Why will be the question.

With me knowing how many days I am left with

would not you think I can use them to my best?

I be a good Muslim

pray the God to forgive me

ask people to forgive me

and me to forgive them

do good deeds

do what I was afraid to do

enjoys bits of my life

to my fullest.

I will die with no regrets

instead with gratefulness

for the opportunity God

have given me

to know my days

are gonna be over

soon.

To have a fatal disease is a tragedy

yet I see it as a blessing in disguise.

This is

an absurd thinking of mine.

It is easy with God.

I am a Muslim
not a devotee
but I believe in my God.

People of religion
have their obligation
to serve and please
their Gods.

Though I neglect mine
sometimes, yet those sometimes
when I did
I did it right.

It is easy
when you have God
a faith.

If I face difficulties
I turn to God
asking Him to help me
my faith are strong
so as I think
if things went well
I thanked God
but I also know
asking was not the only way out
make a move
and that was what I always do.

Or I see my past
at my wrongdoings
anything to blame myself
to see whether or not
I am deserve to such treats
usually I do
and I accepted them
not easy, but calm it was.

It was the teaching of my religion
which helps me to keep moving
and to survive and
I thank my God for that
it is easy with God.

The Closed Closet.

I sat down with my two friends
in the midst of people
in a crowded restaurant
these guys seem happy, overwhelmed.

I named them
one is M, the other is S.

M just reconciled
with his 3 months girlfriend
while S on the other hand
got a new girl
the first and let's hope the only one.

They were excitedly telling me
how they met S GF
just a while before
met her mother
so on and so forth.

Then they said
what they noticed
I looked sad
as in jealous or frustrated.

Insisting on me
telling the truth
about my status
or what was my status.

I kept silent
and forced a smile.

I was sad
and it makes me sad right even now
I want to love
be loved.

Yet I am confused, scared, timid!
Not sure of what I want,
between a pudding or a lollipop.

If it was up to me
I had spurt everything out instantly
telling them how miserable I truly am
suffering inside,
and torn bit by bit.

But I know I can't
I do not have the courage
or the trust in them
or in anyone else.

I pity myself
scared of honesty
and
for living hastily
shame on me.

Mainan Mimpi!

*Girls, don't read this. ;)

Aku selalu chat di facebook
dengan seorang kawan aku
rapat? Biasa-biasa saja.
crush? Call me maybe.

Aku ingat lagi
kali terakhir aku chat dengan dia
aku mimpi
yang melekit-lekit tu.

Baru-baru ni chat lagi dengan dia
aku mimpi lagi
bukan yang melekit-lekit
tapi dalam mimpi ada dia
sembang-sembang, ketawa-ketawa
seronok mimpi tu.

Tapi dia dah ada pasangan
baru berpasang
setia sehidup semati katanya
dan yang paling penting
aku orang pertama tahu
antara kawan-kawan aku
tak ada siap kecuali aku.

Cemburu dengan pasangannya
cemburu dengan dia
apa-apa pun aku harap dia bahagia.

Dan aku terus berjalan...