The Closed Closet.

I sat down with my two friends
in the midst of people
in a crowded restaurant
these guys seem happy, overwhelmed.

I named them
one is M, the other is S.

M just reconciled
with his 3 months girlfriend
while S on the other hand
got a new girl
the first and let's hope the only one.

They were excitedly telling me
how they met S GF
just a while before
met her mother
so on and so forth.

Then they said
what they noticed
I looked sad
as in jealous or frustrated.

Insisting on me
telling the truth
about my status
or what was my status.

I kept silent
and forced a smile.

I was sad
and it makes me sad right even now
I want to love
be loved.

Yet I am confused, scared, timid!
Not sure of what I want,
between a pudding or a lollipop.

If it was up to me
I had spurt everything out instantly
telling them how miserable I truly am
suffering inside,
and torn bit by bit.

But I know I can't
I do not have the courage
or the trust in them
or in anyone else.

I pity myself
scared of honesty
and
for living hastily
shame on me.