Broken heart

"Aku memang dah yakin dengan pilihan aku."

"Serious la hang yakin? Serious ni?!"

"Ha, betoi la. Hang tau dak, dulu waktu pak guard bank aku tu dok mintak-mintak no cenggey (awek) dan dok offer kat aku, aku terpikiaq apa tau? Awek aku tak buat kat aku macam ni, takkan aku nak buat kat dia macam ni?"

I looked to the front, stared blankly at the road. We just had our dinner and on our way home. That words of his felt like the biggest slap I had ever received. Reality finally hit. Tears started to build up and I was on the verge of crying. We were in the car, he was sitting at the back, I was at the front passenger sit and another friend was driving. I couldn't show my tears. Hold it back, that was what I did.

Even now, I am writing this at 6.30 am in the car going on a trip with family, I still have this feeling of disappointment. Tears are like waiting to burst out from these filthy eyes of this sinner. Because that is what I do best, crying my heart out in my silence.

"...Ya Allah, kau berkatilah hubungan kami, aku dan dia. Agar menjadi SAHABAT yang membawa kepada Engkau, bukan sebaliknya...."

A piece of prayer I pray every last sujud of mine.